hillary clinton declares presidential intentions


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today in a formal press release the clinton camp stated hillary will run in 2008, not that there was any doubt. she even began to lay out some of her plans should another clinton re-take the white house.

she promised not allow anyone to give her a blowjob on government premises stating, "the last time someone gave me a bj on government premises was dick durbin right before he called our troops nazis...the bastard doesnt swallow either". ms. clinton also promised to bring back all mementos, furniture, paintings, artifacts, and scandals she took with her upon leaving after bill's second term ended. with much joking and winking she also promised that no one would, and she used the finger quotes, commit "suicide" even if they were going to go public with damning information.

hillary's main platform for the 2008 campaign will consist mostly of staying the course in iraq, lowering taxes, privatizing social security and lifting all assault weapons ban, however, once entering office she will abort a baby everyday, make gay marriage legal but only for really butch lesbians, she will also, in moments of pure feminism, recommend legislation to get malls to stay open 24 hours a day and to absolve all women of any crimes if they are wearing cute shoes.


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