president bush to resign due to pressures


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bush will throw in the proverbial towel this afternoon because of all the pressures being exerted against him for the iraq war and now the complete devastation of the central gulf coast. in a statement to be released during an afternoon press conference, bush will explain that he has finally lost the ability to predict the future. rampant complaints about bush have escalated to a more vindictive level since hurricane katrina hit land.

the president will also be taking the father, son and holy ghost (cheney, rove, and rummy) with him. in a prepared statement cheney says "since the time machine broke down things have been so much harder...almost impossible". rove seconded cheney's sentiments, "george and i were tossing the football in the oval office. i went deep for a pass and knocked over our crystal ball. needless to say it got real quiet in there and suddenly tossing the old pig skin wasnt as much fun". 13sides had a chance to meet personally with rummy for breakfast consisting of babies and muslims. rummy says he doesnt really want to leave because he was ramping up his "war on idiot journalists" and really thinks the army corps of engineers can fix cheney's time machine. having received a copy of bush's statements we would like share them with our readership:

"i, president george w. bush, will resign from the office of president of the united states, effective immediately. all those people out there are so mean to me now im unable to predict the future. i had a good run and im proud i had a chance to serve the wonderful people of the united states of america. i have asked my good buddy john 'christmas in cambodia' kerry to get the senate to suspend the normal chain of command and to get horatio to be the new president. it is clear horatio knows everything and can predict the future...which is exactly what we need for president. if horatio is unable to serve then maybe someone else in the liberosphere will step up to the plate and do something more than criticize. thank you and god bless america."


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