going to the zoo


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there's nothing i love more than to go to the zoo. i love the elephants and the monkeys. but most importantly i love the tiger cages. i find watching people escorted to insanity endearing. i would say my heart goes out to them but in reality i have no heart and i am usually so bombed by the time i get there all i can do is scream racial epithets and obscure shakespearean quotes.

speaking of tiger cages our favorite senator john 'me love you long time' mccain has come up with a plan almost as brilliant as the tet offensive. johnny boy wants to add anti-torture legislation to every bill passed until the president signs it. senator mccain and i are long time friends. most of the scars on his face are due to the side effects of a brilliant meth addiction i helped him start. everytime i get him juiced up and we go to the zoo he freaks out at the tiger cage and takes off. when we find him later on, he has painted his face in camouflage, is completely naked, and whispers "the horror, the horror". ive never quite understood this reaction until now. john mccain hates america. follow me for a moment; john mccain spent like a hundred years in a tiger cage in viet nam. he managed to come home and not be crazy and manages to be a senator. he now wants to prevent the u.s. from using things like tiger cages because he is afraid one of the mulsims will become a senator too and he could not use his excuse of being a poor soldier and getting captured anymore. he would have to rely on his wife's drug addiction for sympathy.

we're on to you john.


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