I would assume from his lack of poll data (which he is so fond of), he is basing this assumption on the fact that if I'm republican, I'm probably rich, and therefore can buy more food. That is, in fact, true. What he doesn't understand is that I have a personal trainer and my private country club allows me to walk 18 holes with my black caddy carrying my bag (he's on atkins as well!).
Haven't done the research on this one, but I bet that the fatter you are, the more likely you are to have voted for George W. Bush. Idiots! 40%!
horatio told me he is learning to play the skin flute and the meat whistle...ive never heard of them but he goes out every night to practice and usually doesn't come back til morning. i would say this is troublesome but at this point there is not a whole lot i can do. we all know he hates black people, and jews, and the poor, and our military and now the iraqis.
as he was putting vaseline on his tongue he was complaining about how the iraqis have taken all of his money. he claims its his to earn however he sees fit and (ill quote) "those dirty brown people dont deserve any money that i could be making by playing the butt tuba". i was shocked...i was aghast...i dont know what a butt tuba is. i tried to explain the us was merely holding onto the money until such time
on a seperate note it has turned up terrorists are not blowing themselves up as a result of jihad but to show support for horatio and the anti-war movement. here at 13sides we encourage them to continue and can only hope horatio will train them.
horatio told me today he was going to sue his doctor because the "rash" he had really turned out to be something more crustaceous ruining his chances at the yearly "stuffed shorts sack race".
so i did a little googling of my own and when i finished i looked some stuff up on the internet and found this article from the nation (a good conservative use for toilet paper...never chafes). the most poignant part of the article other than the rape of an 85 year old woman (leave it to the libs to rape someone) was the following quote:
Smith says she doesn’t care about the money. “I want to make them accountable so that it doesn’t happen again,” she says.
smith's mom was staying at a nursing home and a worker there raped her mother who coincidentally has alzheimers just like cindy sheehan. smith, horatio and other people of their ilk not only want to rape old women but also want to use lawsuits as a weapon to punish anyone and everyone around them. they want to be able to drive by places and sue them for any amount of money just because they didnt get what they wanted and with no regard to the consequences like shutting down the nursing home (which was not found liable) and putting all of those old people out on the streets and fire everyone else who worked there. it only makes sense from their point of view...how can the democratic party continue to scare people they will be raped if in fact 1. they aren't raped and 2. they dont do the raping themselves to make sure it is done correctly.
this is yet another example of how people like horatio want to take our taxes, want to take our money for lawsuits in defense of the "little man" (midget hating bastards) and want our freedom of not being raped constantly. the democratic party can only succeed if we are all bent over like that poor old lady with some sweaty nursing student all over us.
ive never understood why liberals hate black people. they even built a plantation for them and are trying desperately to keep black people corralled onto it. you would think a group of people so concerned about human rights would want to free black people from their metaphorical chains but im thinking liberals dont even see black people as people...
here's the proof. not only is the author amazed that black people can write he cant seem to understand that after a hundred or so years of persecution they may need a little jump start in helping to expose their point of views. the author of the blog even starts out by saying "I'm not a fan of the idea of African-American literature." Someone needs to call Toni Morrison and Zora Neale Hurston and let them know they are being openly ridiculed. dont you think these people have been through enough without the left abusing them as illiterate, ignorant, and undeserving of special privileges. these again are the same people who want to help black people get jobs but god forbid they start to read or write because the left will lose control.
next thing you know they'll be attacking the jews.
the democratic party released their talking points memo for the upcoming senate races. the memo consists of 6 points which 13sides will outline today for our loyal readers.
1. support of the kelo v. new
2. a heavy progressive or graduated income tax.
3. abolition of all rights of inheritance through the death tax.
4. expansion of the rights of the fcc for the centralization of the means of communication.
5. support of labor unions so there is an equal liability of all to labor and to establish industrial armies (afl-cio).
6. free education for all children in public schools.
the complete memo can be seen on http://www.marxists.org*
*you'll have to scroll to the bottom; tricky bastards are trying to hide it.
the mother of a dead south korean video gamer is now holding vigil outside the developer of the game blizzard. wanting to speak to the president of blizzard and ask why her son had to die and why the president doesnt send in his children. luckily the mother of the fallen starcraft soldier has chosen dr. kenneth noisewater as her legal council in hopes to exploit her sons death and gain much needed media attention. 13sides is the first to interview the grieving mother mindy
tony: thanks for meeting with us cindy...i mean mindy.
cindy: you're welcome. i just want to go on record as saying that mike morhaine the president of blizzard killed my son with his failed policies in the starcraft the game.
tony: how is that possible? didnt your son have some hand in his death...like buying the game and playing until he died?
cindy: absolutely not! though my son willingly bought the game knowing the risks from having played the past game, it is solely the fault of blizzard he died. if the game weren't so noble and good my son would never have gone back to
cindy: what? no, starcraft.
tony: but you said
cindy: no i didnt.
tony: whatever, next question. do you think you are doing your son a disservice by being here? do you think if he were still alive he might be a little bit embarrassed.
cindy: who cares about him now? he dead, this is all about me and what i want.
tony: but luckily a lot of puppies will be saved because there is one less south korean to eat them.
cindy: but thats not why he was playing the game. he wasnt told he would save millions of puppies by playing; he was told he could expect to find deadly weapons that would be used to exterminate his character and there weren't any.
tony: but surely you can see some good coming from his death. think of what christmas would be like with no puppies to give...our in your case eat.
cindy: christmas? oh so now there's no separation of church and state?
tony: what?! you're crazy. we're done here. doctor, take her away.
it just goes to show, dont ever stand between a mother and her desires to whore herself because her son died and her husband left her for being crazy and now the only feel ever to be copped is from the arms and hands of liberal sharks. menopause will do strange things to women who are already disconnected from reality.
2. We would like for him to explain this "noble cause" to us and ask him why (presidential daughters) Jenna and Barbara are not in harm's way, if the cause is so noble.
the answer to this question comes in two parts. allow me to first explain the "noble cause".
there are dirty, disgusting, inhuman, pig loving, brainwashed assholes that want kill me...and you. these assholes dont care if i voted for george w. bush or hug trees and talk about love and understanding. they dont care if i empathize with their plight and do what i can to alleviate their suffering. they want us dead. very simple. they are assholes because they want us dead. who cares why? they lost their opportunity for love and understanding on 9/11. love went up in flames in the north tower, understanding in the south tower. the "noble cause" revolves not around one bitter lady with a penchant for the melodramatic and the irrational the "noble cause" envelopes all of us. every single american. the "noble cause" is we have the rights to life (not having some assholes blow us up), liberty (not living under a terrorist mandated police state), and happiness. (note: liberals, happiness is that strange feeling you get when something goes right, like getting a blow job with your wife asleep up stairs.) this noble cause does not mean trying to hug a dirty arab with a bomb strapped to him to try and talk him into seeing the err of his ways. the noble thing to do is eliminate them from about a mile away. now everyone is safer. see how that works? dead dirty arab with bomb equals no one dies. easy math.
the second part of sheehan's question i want to address is sending the daughters of the president into war. this statement proves that cindy sheehan is nothing but a media whore craving attention because her son made up his own mind to go and fight to keep us safe. it shows how immature she and blinded but whatever "grief" she claims to suffer. honestly, the only grief she suffers is what she is putting on the rest of the country having to put up with her pimping her son's memory so she can get a little air time. is it any wonder cindy sheehan is the only one to spread her legs for all of this attention...again i am embarrassed for her and i am embarrassed the rest of the country has to listen to her ravings. the only conclusion i come to as to why sheehan wants to send the bush daughters over there is because she is so spiteful she wants all of our soldiers to die. sending the bush daughters to
1. We want our loved ones sacrifices to be honored by bringing our nation's sons and daughters home from the travesty that is Iraq immediately, since this war is based on horrendous lies and deceptions. Just because our children are dead, why would we want any more families to suffer the same pain and devastation that we are?
we should bring home the troops. it makes no sense to keep them there. especially since it has become the main training grounds for terrorists. why would we want our military in the new training grounds for terrorism? they could get hurt. they might want to re-enlist and go back. as seen in kansas it is not wise to let other people make decisions. people thinking for themselves is dangerous and could very well result in them putting themselves in situations where they might get hurt or even killed.
quiz time again. all right answers will grant you the right to drill for oil in
a. "He will use those weapons of mass destruction again, as he has ten times since 1983."
b. "We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country."
c. " In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including al Qaeda members ... It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons."
d. "I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it."
answers: a. sandy "stuff 'em and steal 'em" berger, b. al "lock box" gore, c. hillary "can't wait til 2008" clinton, d. john "christmas in
and to think gore was vice president, gore and kerry were presidential candidates, and
but to answer the real question, the actual question: why would we want others to suffer the same pain of losing a loved one in war? the answer is quite simple. until assholes stop flying planes into buildings, until assholes stop driving cars full of explosives, until assholes stop blowing up trains and tube stations and themselves and naval vessels and embassies and night clubs and resorts and hijacking planes...until these assholes stop their "religion" of love and peace someone is going to have to die, either us or them and i am thankful we have people brave enough to do it...because im not. trying to understand a rabid dog will not prevent it from biting you. suffering is imminent. suffering was and is on the horizon no matter what we chose to do. we made the decision to suffer less now than to suffer more later.
so horatio was explaining how intelligent design is neither intelligent nor a design. instead the only theory we should rely on is the other theory not proven. we should rely on this theory because if not we might let jesus h. christ sneak into our classrooms and the next thing you know children would be living by the ten commandments like thy shall not cheateth on your wife with portly girls of an unnatural stature and thy shall not lieth to a grand jury about sexing said full figured pony or even thou shall not taketh knick knacks from the white house upon leaving and claim such treasures as gifts...but i digress.
teaching the utterances of a 73 year old man on his death bed as the gospel is the only way we can prevent christians from going into public places and blowing themselves up or getting put in jail and complaining about jailors wiping their infidel bottoms with the bible. we can show people in the advancement of american education we are committed to our theories. in fact we just now revised the theory of condescension. the theory now states: the level of condescension is directly proportional to the subject's cowardice.
i made a new friend today. he calls himself 'up your nose' but with a 'z'. i think that name is offensive and slightly gay so i call him 'knuckles'. anyway i met knuckles at an a.a. meeting near harlem. i was there to dry up, he was there to pick up chicks. anyway we started to talk and he mentioned our lord and president's relationship with poles again. for the life of me i can't understand why liberals are so fascinated by our president's pole. you would think being a liberal and so morally bankrupt that you would cheat on your lesbian wife with a fat intern they could get over saint bush's pole. alas, i am wrong.
i am going to make it my mission to investigate liberal fascination with poles. i spoke with the doctor this morning...dr. noisewater that is...and we began to put together some hypotheses why liberals love poles. note: dr. noisewater is not a medical doctor. he is a doctor of law so please refer any legal questions or law suits to him. thanks.
1. hitler took out the poles first.....liberals are nazis
2. strippers dance on poles....liberals are prostitutes
3. the american flag is hung on a pole....liberals hate
4. pole vaulting.....liberals hate the greek and the olympics
5. poles are used for skiing....liberals are racist...they hate white things
6. north pole...liberals dont believe in santa
7. south pole...liberals believe the earth is flat
the doctor and i will explore these. well keep you posted as results become available.
was sharing a ham sandwich with zarqawi last night and we were talking about health issues. you may not know but zarqawi is a health nut. he spends up to six hours a day in the gym pumping up his turban. he was very upset that peter
when horatio showed up and cooked us some bacon he tried to console zarqawi saying what he was doing will make it in the newspapers because people in the
horatio was telling me about how some fat girl got beat up at a rally. now it might be unfair to assume she was fat but i come to this conclusion based on two things.
1. she is from berkeley and
2. she got caught...clearly too fat to evade
i think such actions as taken by the secret service to try and calm her down are clearly a violation of her right to be skinny. they should have chased her fat ass around to help her work off of some of her baby fat she so desperately holds onto at the age of 26. clearly her parents didnt love her enough so she feels she must act out in a public display with her grotesque obesity putting fear into andy card and causing the secret service to rodeo her to the ground. i think in the future when people like this chubby protestor go and protest to spread aids in africa they should wear running shoes and have the secret service chase them around the perimeter of the event until they lose about four pounds...or until they realize protesting is for morons. whichever comes first.
today horatio and i were playing some D & D in the garage (im a warlock, hes a fairy) and he brought up the point of george w. bush's pole numbers being low. i was thinking to myself "donkey, since when has the country been ruled by poles? i knew we had a lot of foreigners and im not xenophobic or anything but whats the big deal with poles?". anyway, horatio kept going on and on about bush and poles and i finally had to smack him across the left cheek with my open palm. i almost knocked him off the chair (which would have crushed the fine fairy outfit he was wearing).
i told him that racism is not funny and that just because bush likes