My African Friend


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No doubt all of you have received an Nigerian advance fee fraud email. It's a letter about some dead african who left his cousin $12 million. All you have to do is pay somebody to get it. Well, the scammers have apparently stepped up their efforts. About a year ago, someone I had never met instant messaged me via Yahoo. I quickly determined that this gentleman was:
  1. African
  2. Stupid
  3. Trying to take my money.
He was from Algeria and wanted me to enter into some deal with him where I would invest in a car dealership. I strung him along for a week or two until it got to the point that it was time for me to head to Western Union to wire him the money. The exchange ended with me cursing mercilessly for 20 minutes and I never heard from him again.

Well, over the weekend, my buddy returned. I played dumb like I didn't know who he was and didn't remember our past dealings and this was the transcript:

13:48] onyidollars: WHERE HAVE U BEEN
[13:48] Dr. Ken: hello
[13:50] Dr. Ken: I've been preparing for the NFL draft
[13:50] onyidollars: THAT,S GOOD
[13:50] onyidollars: DID U REMEMBER ME
[13:51] Dr. Ken: i don't think so
[13:51] onyidollars: OK
[13:51] Dr. Ken: who are you?
[13:52] onyidollars: WHERE ARE U WOKING
[13:52] onyidollars: I AM IN LES VEGAS
[13:52] Dr. Ken: really? I am going there in June
[13:52] onyidollars: WHERE ARE U
[13:53] Dr. Ken: I am in Nashville Tennessee, home of country music
[13:53] onyidollars: U CAN COME TO MY HOUSE
[13:54] Dr. Ken: do you live close to the strip
[13:54] Dr. Ken: do you like to gamble and go to the nudie shows?
[13:54] onyidollars: I AM A PRINCE IN MY COUNTRY
[13:54] onyidollars: I HAVE A HOUSE THERE
[13:55] Dr. Ken: in US, we have no princes
[13:55] Dr. Ken: you must travel with a lot of security
[13:55] onyidollars: from my country
[13:56] onyidollars: i am not from us
[13:56] Dr. Ken: where are you from
[13:56] onyidollars: denmark
[13:59] onyidollars: what do u do for a living
[13:59] Dr. Ken: i play american football
[14:00] onyidollars: wonderful
[14:00] Dr. Ken: i just graduated college, and I'm looking to get drafted by the NFL
[14:00] onyidollars: i can sponsor you
[14:00] Dr. Ken: how would you do that
[14:01] onyidollars: host u with money
[14:01] Dr. Ken: i already have an agent, his name is Pat Dye Jr
[14:01] Dr. Ken: he's in Atlanta, he represents a bunch of famous players like Michael Vick
[14:02] onyidollars: that,s my player
[14:02] Dr. Ken: hopefully, I'll be famous one day, and then i can make money doing budweiser commercials
[14:02] Dr. Ken: do you know budweiser?
[14:02] onyidollars: no
[14:02] Dr. Ken: I'm sure you have drank many budweisers in Las Vegas
[14:03] onyidollars: no
[14:03] Dr. Ken: I like to drink budweisers and then donkey punch my roommate
[14:03] onyidollars: i dont drink
[14:04] onyidollars: byant sussan is a agent
[14:04] Dr. Ken: drinking is the only way i can have sex with ugly girls
[14:04] Dr. Ken: what football players does bryant represent?
[14:04] onyidollars: pls i dont like that
[14:04] onyidollars: pls
[14:05] onyidollars: mind your speech
[14:05] Dr. Ken: why, we are just 2 buddies having a chat?
[14:06] onyidollars: yea
[14:06] onyidollars: i am in my house
[14:06] onyidollars: my dad can come in anytime from now
[14:06] Dr. Ken: i guess a prince could have sex with only the finest of girls in Denmark! I bet you have the pick of the litter
[14:07] onyidollars: call
[14:08] onyidollars: she is in africa
[14:08] onyidollars: to admit some boys
[14:08] onyidollars: her no is 2348030944316
[14:08] Dr. Ken: admit some boys?
[14:08] Dr. Ken: I'm not into boys
[14:08] Dr. Ken: I'm into girls
[14:08] Dr. Ken: what does that mean
[14:09] onyidollars: players
[14:09] onyidollars: if u are not real u tell me
[14:10] Dr. Ken: i am real
[14:10] Dr. Ken: but what do i need to call her for
[14:11] Dr. Ken: I don't call people in africa I don't know, I'll only deal with you
[14:11] onyidollars: for deal
[14:12] Dr. Ken: what kind of deal, i have an agent
[14:12] onyidollars: is from manchester city
[14:12] onyidollars: london
[14:12] onyidollars: ok
[14:12] onyidollars: tell you agent to call her
[14:13] Dr. Ken: what sort of business are you proposing?
[14:14] onyidollars: i m just trying to help u
[14:19] *** "onyidollars" signed off at Sat Apr 08 14:19:26 2006.

If you want to have a good laugh, add Onyidollars to your Y! buddy list and hit him up for a chat whenever he is online.

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