Recognize this handsome devil??
This is Onyidollars. Or Tyrone from some black college fraternity formal. The point is this is who Onyi says he is because he emailed me this photograph. I thought all Nigerians wore loin cloths and speared tigers, but i guess the joke is on me.
This might be my greatest scam on this guy yet. After my gender reassignment surgeon IM
, I decided this guy probably wouldn't talk to me ever again. I needed to create a new yahoo account with a fake alias and start all over. Enter Cynthia_Mckinney_8891.
Onyi immediately fell in love with Cynthia. She was the sucker of all suckers. Over a period of a month (I will spare you all of the boring and unfunny transcripts) Onyi had gained Cynthia's trust so much that Cynthia was gonna wire Onyi over $3500 dollars. Of course, I never went to Western Union. And Onyi wasn't happy. Not only did he not get the money, but his passport was confiscated (or so he says).
The three transcripts that follow are 1) the email i sent Onyi with the Western Union details, 2) IM transcripts from after he returned from Western Union without the money, and 3) his marriage proposal.Read On....
Labels: asshat, nigeria, onyidollars
Published Thursday, August 24, 2006 by Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
Is it just me, or is this guy the Iranian version of Balki from Perfect Strangers
? After declaring victory following a U.N. cease-fire, this limp-wristed jihadist has a new attack planned for the West.
Nukes? Nope. Chemical or biological weapons? Nope. Vidal Sasson and Kodak disposables? Nope. You'll never guess...
Try to stay with me here. Iran's year-old response to the cartoon depictions of Allah (God bless that Dane) is to have a cartoon-off. In a display that's somehow gayer than fight scenes from West Side Story, Iran Cartoon (who knew?) and some Iranian newspaper are having a contest to find the best "the holocaust was a lie" cartoons. This is supposed to "test the limits" of western acceptance of free speech. (Don't these guys get Comedy Central yet?)
Apparently this contest was announced six months ago and slipped through my radar, but I digress. So these quick-witted Iranians take 4 months to think of the idea. Then, they give participants 7 month's notice, their state-run cartoon company co-sponsors the event, and apparently get participants from over 60 countries to contribute. To top it off, first, second, and third prize are all equal to or great than the average Iranian's annual income. After all this how many cartoons do they get? A million? Half a million? A hundred thousand? Nope - just 1,200.
If there's an Allah out there, Fark will have a week-long all-out Allah Photoshop contest! Allah with Mustard! Allah saying "It's a trap". Allah in every Star Wars film ever made. Drew, if you're listening, please help us out here and Fark Iran!
Published Tuesday, August 15, 2006 by MJH.
Read the gory details here.......
This is what happens when a eco-friendly civic hits my SUV at 55mph:
This is what happens to an SUV at a dead stop when an eco-friendly Honda hits it at 55mph:
Doesn't look like a lot, but initial damage estimate at $4,000. And it hurt like a sum-bitch.
Published Thursday, August 10, 2006 by Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
yesterday i had mexican food for lunch. i started with a big hezbollah of salsa. it was very spicy so i took a break and watched a little tel aviv. but then the main course came and thought even though i have a spare tyre i though "hamas gonna let this food go to waste?". so i ate everything and became a member of the clean plate club.
when i got back to work i felt a little grumbling, a little tumbling in my tummy. so iran to the loo and took a huge haifa. it was so awful i got a little nasrallah. the dude in the stall next to me even said "olmert god, im gonna beirut all over the place" and quickly left. once i completed my katuysha i went back to my desk and continued to work. but for the rest of the day every once and a while, like the sound of distant artillerary, i smiled at the thought of all the camel jockeys and towel heads trying to escape israeli air strikes. viva la israel!
Published Friday, August 04, 2006 by tony the pony.