An Amendment to Dr. Ken's Travel Policy


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I have a personal travel policy which states:

Do not go to countries where the citizens are leaving in great numbers to live in the United States. For example, Mexico, India, etc. Think about it. I bet you don't know where the German immigrants are hanging out in your neighborhood, but I bet you do know where you can get a pickup truck full of migrants to tile your bathroom. If you are leaving your home country to come here, I'm guessing it was a pretty awful place and I don't need to see it. (NOTE: This also applies to certain parts of this country as well, including shit holes like Buffalo, Rochester, Cleveland, etc., whose inhabitants seem to move here in droves.)

I've just added a Second Amendment to this Policy.

Malaria.

A coworker of mine that lives in India got Malaria. Are you shitting me? I don't care if I reached some Jeremy Piven form of yoga enlightenment, I'm not going to that place. No way. Nuh-uh. Padma Lakshmi lives here, i don't need to go there.

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